Super Naruto 2: The Amulet of Anti Rape
by NephilimBetch
Summary: When an evil curse causes Sasuke and Naruto to fall in love, Haku and Jessica must stop it. Love, Lust and Lemon. Warnings are placed before lemon for those who don't like it. done in normal chapter format.
1. The Curse

Konichiwa my marshmellow chicken people! Back by demand for my humor ( Fuck you non raters! I even gave you anonymous rating privileges! Betches!) I am here with Super Naruto 2: The Anti Rape Amulet! YAY!

Disclaimers: I own nothing, because they found out about me stalking them. (Is putting yaoi pictures of the writer online so bad?) Oh well

Warnings: my usual foul mouth, and a Shizload full of Lemon! YAY!

More Sailor Scouts, Sasame, And Haku! (I though he was a girl! I so wrote about him!)

Super Naruto: Part One

Chapter 1

The Evil Curse Of Fluffiness.

Sasuke, Naruto and Sakura were off adventuring around the land of the sand, still laughing about kicking my ass in the last fanfiction, and wondering if I was still pulling out the glass Haku left. (I so am! That Shetbag needs to take the bottle rape down a notch. T,T.) They came across a small shrine to some unknown god or goddess.

"Hey, let's go in!" Sakura said, hoping for a place she could rape Sasuke in peace.

"All right, but Naruto is soo at my back." Sasuke said.

"Shit" Naruto and Sakura said at the same time.

They walked in, and on the wall was Haku and Sailor Saturn. Sailor Saturn was almost conscious and airily said "This is a trap." and fainted. Orochimaru, from my last fanfic showed up and began to whip them saying something about needing someone to fill in for Itachi.

All of the sudden, Sakura used magical Sound of Loving Murder. Kelly's My Romantic Pattern started playing, and an Imeem bar showed up over her head. "Damn, she is much more useful here than in the show!" Sasuke said.

"Statistically speaking, 94 of all people believe that we should be gay together, and they know that Sakura is just a sex icon used to attract fanboys to do her evil will in the future." Naruto stated.

"You're right. Let's kick Orochimaru's ass just for the fun of it though."

"YAY"

The two of them ran at Orochimaru and threw different styles of kick at him, Naruto with his Harem Jutsu, and Sasuke with Super Nonsexy Fat Lady attack.

Needless to say, that since Orochimaru is eaten with aids, he died very quickly.

The chains on the other two broke easily, but a strange noise filled the room. Symbols floated around and attatched themselves to Sasuke and Naruto.

"Sasuke..."

"Naruto..."

"I think I'm getting sick. I have to have sex with you. I th..." Naruto's mouth was covered by one of Sasuke's fingers.

Shining tears fell from Sasuke's large luminous obsidan eyes. "I love you Naruto."

Jessica walked in, and then stared around the room, and at the two lovers that were obviously not paying attention, and were noisily making out on the floor.

"Holy Fuck! Why the Hell did the Author write this! It keeps getting worse and worse everytime! God, someday they'll have sex in front of their parents!"

LEMON LEMON LUST LEMON!

They had made out for minutes when it started. Sasuke tentatively stuck his hand down into the front of Naruto's pants, and started playing with his balls, and felt him getting hard in his hands.

Naruto removed Sasuke's shirt and began to feel around the hard muscle, and nipped at Sasuke's dark, hard nipple.

Sasuke seductively removed Naruto's pants, and began to give Naruto a handjob. Naruto arched his back in a state of total bliss.

Sasuke's pants were coming off as well, and Naruto began to suck on him. Hard.

Sasuke groaned with the pleasure of it, and began to rapidly thrust in and out of Naruto's mouth, forcing a gag from Naruto as he deep- throated it.

Sasuke's load hit Naruto's throat with a sickening bitter taste, but he swallowed it. Sasuke turned Naruto around, and began to fuck him like a wild animal, thrusting in and out of his ass harder and harder. Then with a wild scream of ecstacy, it was over.

END LEMON

"What happened?" Sakura asked in horror.

"Well you see," Haku explained, "when you broke our chain, you hit the gay sex curse, and you need the amulet of anti rape to cure it."

"Oh God, not another Damn adventure." Jessica said. "Sakura, you stay here, Haku, Sailor Saturn and I shall go get this amulet.


	2. The Departure

Back by unpopular demand (Seriously, I have about a hundred hits, since I last checked, and none of the fuckers rated me! I would just like to say that I know Origami, Ninjujitsu, and 234 other dangerous sounding words, including fluffy and muffins.)

I still don't own anything. That may change in court next tuesday, Does anyone know a lawyer who doesn't consider stalking a felony? Except in California of course.

Chapter 2: The Journey Begins.

It had been a week since Orochimaru had cursed Naruto and Sasuke, and they had not come up for air yet. Naruto kept screaming his guts out every few minutes, and the two actually tied themselves up to prevent themselves from getting some form of disease where they had lost too much sperm (gonohrrea)

Sakura had been in a constant state of worry. "What will happen to Sasuke if Naruto gives him AIDS? Sasuke will die! I must save him! And Naruto too, I guess." She mumbled

Haku, who had stayed to help tie them up walked in the room. "I've tried everything, Enchanted chains that soak away the curse, dispelling it directly, and I even tried to use a cake. No not a birthday cake." he said noting Sakura's confused look." A magic cake made with flour, sugar, eggs, milk, and colored doggy water."

Sakura fainted, but like any other pathetic weakling got up immediately. "Is there any hope?"

"Sure. I've located a necklace that will save the two of them. It is called the Anti- Rape necklace. We will need help, so I brought in two sailor scouts: Sailor Yourmom'sanus (or sailor Y) and sailor Pluto!"

Sakura looked confusedly at Sailor Y (yeah, I am that lazy fucker) and asked "How the hell did you get here? You were viciously killed in a gay parade!"

"This is a fanfic whore! Everyone dies and then comes back. Like here's Jessica. Listen to her talk."

Jessica walked in the room and was obviously in a bad mood.

"So everyone guess what, I have the stupidest british accent! I'm not british, I don't want to be british, but I have the damn accent! Who the Hell keeps writing this!" She said in a strange british accent.

"Yeah, let's pack." Sakura said. "And why are you here Sailor Pluto?"

"Cruel Retribution. I have to die in a weird way in order to perpetuate the story."

"Pack your bloody bags you damn hooker" Jessica shrieked.

The house was emptying itself upon the lawn and into the Teletubby magical travel ship.

"Why the hell do we have a bloody teletubby ship?"

"Because we need it." Haku Answered Jessica.

Sakura went in to discuss house rules for the strange couple.

When she got in there she got a surprise.

LEMON LEMON LEMON LEMON

Sasuke had chewed through the rope around him, and began biting and lashing his tongue across Naruto's smooth body. Naruto moaned, and he twisted, burning his arms with the force of it.

Bruises appeared where Sasuke began kissing, and he licked the blood off of Naruto's back.

He then began to give Naruto a blowjob, and Naruto began writhing and screaming in pleasure, moments later Sasuke was on top of Naruto and

END LEMON

"What the hell are you doing faggots?" Jessica's mood had not changed over the past day or so at her less than acceptable accent continuously ruined her day.

"first, you can have sex up to two times a day, and don't stain the carpet. We are going to tie you both up with magical super tele rope, so break it and die." She said and stalked out

Sakura followed at a distance, and they all boarded the ship.


	3. To The Shrine!

So my marshmellow chicken people, THEY HAVEN'T SHUT ME UP YET!

Im so amazed. But no one rates. I KNOW YOUR MYSPACE ACCOUNT! I soooo will have you non-raters raped by a plastic attack duck. They are sooo cute too!

Disclaimer: The court has decided that I own only the television on which I watch Naruto. The five hairs that I asked for were denied. T.T

The Journey Begins

Haku and the others set out that very afternoon, looking for the sacred amulet. The group headed first for a shrine to the goddess Rhine. They passed into a village known as NeoCrystalChina. They walked in to the visitor's center, conveniently placed in front of the front gate. There were very few people in the center, and so Haku had to wake the teller up.

"We are looking for directions to the Rhine Shrine" he said to her.

She blinked, and then hit a large red button.

"Where the hell did that button come from? It is too damn confusing. What the fuck is the writer thinking? When I was in England... I've never been to bloody Britain! Why the hell am I even saying it? This makes no bloody fucking sense!" Jessica said angrily.

An alarm rang out in the distance, and thinking about how horney he was, Haku asked Sakura if she wanted to have sex.

"So I had to fucking yell at the bloody faggots about having sex in bad places, and now look! A bad pair and a bad place!" Jessica said in disgust.

LEMON LEMON LEMON

Sakura felt herself being pulled forward, her body moulding against Haku's body frame. Without a seconds thought Sakura's arms wound around his neck and she hugged him closely breathing in his scent; that musky earth smell made her feel intoxicated.

Haku's hands dropped lower as they grazed her lower back then caressed her thighs which were revealed because of their current position. The tickly sensation Sakura received caused her to take a sharp intake of breath making Haku laugh to himself.

"Its nice not being alone anymore." He whispered in her ear, his warm breath heating her neck as Sakura made a slight noise in reply.

_I can't take it I need to do something, anything. This tension is killing me._

Sakura turning bold wound her hands into Haku's hair and pulled his face forward grazing his lips with her own. Tracing his bottom lip with her own she waited for a response so she could continue. He allowed an entrance; their tongues met with each other; while Sakura was occupied satisfying her urge he pushed her body down to the ground with him directly above her.

Unconsciously Sakura raised her legs so either leg was situation around Haku's hips rubbing the cloth against his skin. They broke the kiss for a moment till Haku encased Sakura's mouth once more; their tongues collided battling for dominance.

Haku's hand lowered to Sakura's stomach lightly brushing the smooth skin with the back of his hand and then bringing it up under the material to meet with the meshing of her bra. The feeling of his hand on her clothed breast made Sakura moan aloud in to the kiss.

Taking this as a good response Haku squeezed her breast just when Sakura lifted her hips to meet with Haku's groan and grinded against the bulge which had already formed in his trousers. Grinning into their kiss she slipped a hand over the bulge releasing a groan from the black haired boy.

_What am I doing? This doesn't seem like me at all…but god, it feels so nice._

Suddenly Sakura felt the cool air breeze up her legs, looking down she saw she was now without her shorts; abandoned a few feet away from the couple. Tender hands traced lazily up her inner thigh making her shudder from the pleasurable feeling. "Haku…"

_It's only fair something of his comes of now, right?_

Sakura leaned up and pulled Haku's long top of him living him shirtless to the open air. "Now it's…slightly fair." She pulled him in roughly for another kiss nibbling on his lower lip demanding an entrance as their tongues crashed together. In the clearing they were situated in all could be heard was the sound of their gasping and their bodies colliding together.

Haku's trousers soon disappeared leaving him in just his underwear as did Sakura. In one swift movement they both removed each others underwear till they were both naked. With Haku on top leaning over the girl supporting his weight on either elbow, he fitted his knee between Sakura's left slowly moving it against her. "Ohh…" was the response that he needed.

Moving closer to her ivory flesh he took his attention to her breasts which were rising and falling to the beat of her heart. Moving cool finger tips over them first, Sakura leaning up to meet the touch, he lowered his mouth to one of them and licked the nipple. The sharp intake of breath resounded in Haku's ears as he continued this display on the second one.

Moving down her body slowly while tracing every contour of her body with his tongue he reached the lowest. Wondering why he had stopped Sakura leant up slightly and saw him at her entrance; eyes widened when pushed her legs more apart and he probed his tongue into her moist centre. Sakura's hands gripped the grass and bit her lip from keeping screaming.

Sitting up Haku inserted one finger causing Sakura to release the moan she had been trying to retain. "Oh, god. Haku!" Adding another finger into a squirming Sakura he sucked her neck leaving a large, red hickey. "I'll just leave you a small reminder…" he whispered into her ear.

_It's taking too long, I want it now. But...I can't just come out with it! Can I?_

"Haku, please. I need…" she managed to mumble out. Positioning himself at her entrance he leaned over to kiss her for an answer, she responded immediately melting into the kiss. She felt the foreign object probing at her centre; to help to lowered her hand to him; she grinded her hips up urgently showing her impatience.

He thrust in breaking her barrier showing her virginity, but then, so was he. Tears formed in her eyes as she squeezed them tightly shut. "Are you okay?" he asked worried, brushing his finger tips over her reddened cheek. She nodded urging him to go on having adjusted to him inside of her.

Thrusting in and out he felt some pressure on his back but enjoying the pleasurable sensations did not seek out what exactly it was. Sakura knew as it was her hands that were there on his back pulling him closer to her, scratching his flawless skin just to make sure this wasn't a dream- just to make sure she was actually awake.

"Faster…" Sakura managed to grunt out. _Okay so first I'm saying sorry and now I'm moaning out faster?_

Speeding up Haku thrusted in harder and faster as she wished, sweat drops beading around his hair line and pleasure plastered over his face made Sakura smile. _I can feel it, I'm going to come soon._

"I'm…" she moaned out. Haku understood pumping faster than before until they both felt their release. Haku collapsed on top of the pink haired girl breathing harshly. Lying next to each other Sakura moved closer to Haku leaning her head down on his rising chest and snuggled close. _It feels nice to be this __close to someone._

Haku encircled her with his arms laying his chin on top of her head with his eyes closed.

END LEMON

"So Shitheads, How was it? Did it make up for the fact that we are now CAPTURED! ASSHOLES!" Jessica screeched

"See, I knew the author would have to kill me off early! Watch!" sailor Saturn said. And killing herself she transported them into the front of the Shrine.

Coming out of the shrine was Gloria Estefan, with an entire group of dancers. Hooking up a mike, she began to sing:

go away  
won't you just go away  
go away  
don't you come back one day  
take your stuff  
take all of your precious things  
leave right now   
who knows what tomorrow brings  
stay away  
won't you please stay away  
live your life  
but live it real far away  
save yourself  
there's no way to get it all  
look around  
the writing is on the wall

and when you go  
i won't miss you at all  
and when you go  
i'll be having a ball   
you will see  
thoughts of you  
won't ever cross my mind   
it's the truth  
don't mean to be unkind  
'cause people have the right  
to party  
and you won't let them  
have their fun   
see ya, wouldn't wanna be ya  
auf wiedersehen, au revoir, shalom

go away  
would you please go away  
go away  
you're outta here come what may   
hit the road  
don't bother to say goodbye  
don't care how   
don't even matter why  
yes, people have the right to party   
and we're not waiting till you're gone  
ciao, bye bye, hasta la vista  
fare thee well,adios, so long.

Everyone stared at her in blank silence.

"What The Fuck?" Jessica said.


	4. The END

Sooo, peeping in the window again are we? Well, it's too bad you're late my marshmallow chickens, I'm already dressed, and I'm not in the mood anyway. BUT IF SOME OF THE FUCKERS THAT READ THIS ACTUALLY RATED, I'D FEEL BETTER!

Disclaimer: you know the routine. Shiznit. I still want Haku though. In my pants. With a Fork. Only on Fridays! Tasmex!

In the Shrine of Rhine

"okay, so you assholes have sex, we get captured, are magically transported here, and now Gloria Estefan is singing a good song titled Go Away at us, for no reason! Where the hell does the writer come up with this? Does he pull it out of his relatively small ass? Shiznits!" Jessica shrieked

"Chill! The sailor scouts all died except for Sailor Yourmom'sanus. Everything worked out!" Haku said to her in a happier tone.

Suddenly Kelly walked up to them.

"Hey Shetbags, I am sent here simply to provide comic relief to this otherwise pointless fan fiction. If you notice, it incorporates the worst elements of fan fiction, without being terrible." He said

DANCE BATTLE!

STAR POWER

LOVE ENERGY

SHIZNITS

MARSHMELLOW LOVE POWER UP!

Kelly walked up and began to sing her classic "Shoes"

Gloria quickly responded with her "Conga"

A lot of Fuck yous and Dances were exchanged between them.

Both were sweating, but it was clear that Kelly was winning

"I'm gonna Betchslap you Shetbag!"

"Rhythm's gonna get you!"

Another round began with Kelly screaming out "My Romantic Pattern"

and Gloria yelling "Stepping Out"

Sailor Yourmom'sanus stepped forward and reached out a hand.

"Mutha Fucking Pink Heart!" She shrieked. It hit Gloria's left boob, which fell off. An eager 60 year old naked fat man ran across the immediate area, and picked it up.

"Damn, I just had work on that!" Gloria shrieked.

Sailor Yourmom'sanus picked up a rod that materialized in her hand and screeched "Super Mother Rape!"

A large red arrow flew into Gloria's ass, and she died.

"Let's go!" She said.

They walked across the threshold of the place, and accidentally hit a trap. They were forced to watch a really crappy porno yaoi about two odd people.

LEMON LEMON LEMON

Sasame emitted a shuddering breath when he placed a hand on one of her breasts. Moving the cloth aside, his thumb brushed over her nipple. A sharp jolt of a welcome buzz shot through her system as he grazed the rosy peak repeatedly.

"Ah." She tilted her head back slightly exposing her throat. She noticed that he had loosened the threads enough to allow her small movements.

He did it again and she gave a small moan. His other hand rose to grip her throat. Sasame started shuddering as he continued. A louder moan escaped her lips. This encouraged his actions as he tugged the remnants of her shirt off and moved on to remove her shorts.

Her entire body was now exposed. She didn't know what to do with her hands so she let them fall limply to her side.

Sasori remained completely stoic as he skimmed his adept fingers near her core. He began to rub the nerves that made her moan.

She felt her knees begin to lose their ability to support her. Noticing her legs were about to fail her, Sasori pushed her down to the ground.

Her breath began to come in small pants, arms quivering somewhere above her head. Tiny beads of sweat began to appear on her brow, dropping into her hair as her head remained tilted back.

A small twinge of pain mixed with the pleasant sensations he created when he slipped one of his wooden fingers into her. He inserted another finger in and began to slowly pull out to brush over her clit. Entering her again, he repeated his motions again and again.

His pace quickened and she soon found herself voluntarily gripping his shoulders.

Her muscles clenched around his digits in spasms. She shut her eyes and moaned as he was bringing her closer. Her nails dug into the rough texture of his collar. Eyes shut, straining to stay closed, she began calling out his name in strangled cries.

She was so close. Just a little further.

As she arched her back, an overpowering wave of warmness spread throughout her body reaching her toes. She inhaled oxygen into her lungs greedily.

He had been watching her facial expressions closely, and he saw that she had climaxed. He removed his hand from her and she felt the slow throbbing of her pulse. Then he trailed his hand down her thigh, goosebumps appearing on her heated flesh.

In one swift movement, he reattached the chakra strings and slammed her against the trunk of the nearest tree.

"Ah." She yelped as her bare back met with the rough bark. He dashed up to her and pushed his lips onto hers.

A new sensation wracked her body as she felt his smooth lips crash into hers. He didn't move his mouth and she supposed it was just to keep her there. Shifting slightly, his cheek was now against hers.

"NO MORE!" Sailor Yourmom'sanus screeched "Super Death Bomb!"

An explosion of pink hearts rained down on the room, killing the illusions, as well as the unfortunate Sailor Scout.

"What the Hell?"Kelly Asked.

"Shiznits! We must get the amulet before we ..."Jessica began.

To save time, the asshole of an author just wrote this shortcut to say that they grabbed the damn amulet, raped everyone in the village of sand, and came back to the room with Naruto and Sasuke.

"What the Hell?" Kelly asked.

"Hey! We said sex only three times a day!"Haku yelled into the white room. Naruto emerged with severe rope burns. Sasuke was dead.

"This amulet should take the effects of the curse away. It'll even revive Sasuke!" Haku announced.

A blinding flash occurred. Everything was perfectly clean, and Sasuke was as usual having sex with Sakura.

Another Flash of light, and Itachi was standing there ready to...

"Shut the Fuck up and End the Damn Story!" Jessica Said

Kelly went out and betchslapped Itachi, and he died.

"So, you asshole, you killed off people, made up a pointless boos, took way too many shortcuts? You won't get away with it! Deck!" Jessica screamed.

Several horrid hours later, I awoke with the terrible knowledge that I had been raped. Raped by every character that had ever been in my fanfiction. Elephants came, and let me tell you, they have no mercy on the ass! Shoving a VW gay bus down my ass was no small task, but EATING the other one was misery incarnate.

The moral is: lock your doors against your fanfiction characters. (My ass still hurts!)


End file.
